


The End Where I Begin

by TheAvengersMascot



Series: With A Broken Heart That's Still Beating [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Community: norsekink, Darcy is sneaky when she wants to be, Grief/Mourning, Implied Pseudo Incest, Jane not so much, Loki mind is way beyond a bag of cats, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mentions of dub-con, Multi, Past Brainwashing, Past Character Death, Post-Thor: The Dark World, Thor Feels, Thor is in over his head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 05:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2217657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvengersMascot/pseuds/TheAvengersMascot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To fix the mind of a god is not an easy thing. To do it without help from Asgard, SHIELD, or the Avengers might just be impossible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _All characters belong to Marvel_
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry this took so long to get ready. I meant to have it up sooner but July and August were surprisingly busy.
> 
> Continuation of [this ](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/13205.html?thread=32599701#t32893333)prompt.

Midgard is a delightful place. Or rather, Frigga supposes it is. In truth, she hasn't seen much of it, but Thor's companions are amusing enough, if a bit odd, that she doesn't truly mind. Jane is a bright girl, for a mortal. If Thor insists on forming a relationship with her, at least he has chosen well. Still, there is something strange in the way she catches Jane looking at her at times. It's almost as if the woman is waiting for something to happen, ever expectant. For her part, Frigga finds it off-putting. She can't imagine what the source of the strange behaviour could be. She'd ignore it, except Jane isn't the only one.

Darcy, Jane's attendant of sorts, is bizarre even by mortal standards. Frigga often feels the girl is speaking in some sort of code even the All-Tongue can't interpret. She says the most outlandish things, often to be quickly shushed by Jane or Thor, or sometimes both. In her rare quiet moments, Darcy too wears unusual expressions, as if she doesn't know whether to be intrigued, or frightened, or entertained. By what, Frigga doesn't know.

Ian, Darcy's male companion, is least subtle of the three. The young man is polite but frequently lost for words in Frigga's presence. A tiny part of her gets a little thrill from how intimidated he is by her. He becomes clumsy and awkward and were she of a more malicious disposition, Frigga might press this to her advantage. With the right word or look, she could exploit his nerves for her entertainment. She thinks she's done something similar before but that cannot be because such mischief is not befitting of a queen, is it?

Then there is Thor. When she looks at him, her thoughts swirl and tangle until she can no longer sort them at all. She has the nagging sense that she was supposed to question him about something. It had to do with Asgard... or was it Odin? Was it about Thor himself? The more she tries to recall her concern, the less she seems to remember it. Thor's behaviour is just as strange as that of his friends. He is reserved and a bit distant. He'll ask her questions when they are alone, about her feelings, her memories. Frigga gets the distinct impression he is not pleased with her answers, no matter how hard he tries not to show it. When he doesn't know she's watching, he looks utterly grief-stricken.

Yes, being on Midgard has proved to be a wonderful little excursion but for their unusual behaviour. And the dreams.

The dreams trouble her long after the sun has risen. There was a man, with dark hair and a clever smile, Frigga thinks. Someone she once knew. His face would come to her as she stood in those familiar strange rooms in the palace. She felt such a longing when she found herself there, so much so that at times her feet seemed to carry her to that chamber of their own volition. Here on Midgard she doesn't feel it, or more to the point, she doesn't feel it in the same way. Now the feeling comes in dreams, and it is most unsettling.

She sees him in her sleep, though he seems close and far away all at once. His mouth opens but she cannot hear the words he speaks, nor does he seem aware of her presence in this ethereal place. When the dreams began, he seemed angry. At what, Frigga can't say. She watched night by night as his anger turned to desperation. He was frantic to escape a confinement of some kind but to no avail. After desperation, came pain, night after night of endless torture. She hears him not, but the silence as he screams is almost worse. Silence leaves too much to her imagination as his features twist with agony. More than once, she wakes to find her lashes wet with tears and her heart aching for his suffering.

As each day dawns, she cannot help but think of this man into her waking hours. The dreams don't feel as though they are dreams. They are too real, too specific. They lack the surreal quality dreams so often have. She thinks they are visions. This man whose name she does not know is very real and must be important to her, yet as hard as she tries she cannot find a single clear memory of him. There is only an empty spot where she thinks he should be and the vacancy troubles her because she _knows_  something should be there. It is as if someone carved her memories of this man out from her mind but who or why she can't fathom.

The idea strikes her with confusion. She tried once to explain to Thor about the man but the moment her lips parted to speak, her tongue turned leaden in her mouth. No words would come, not about her visions nor her missing memories. She thinks she felt something like it before. In Asgard, perhaps? Casting her mind back she thinks there were times she thought one thing but had another come out her mouth. Yes, that's what it was. Wasn't it?

The more she ponders the question, the less sure she is of the answer. Her thoughts go skittering away every time she tries to grasp them, forever just beyond her reach. There are even times when she forgets her concern completely. She finds it easier to occupy herself with reading or the various offerings of Midgardian entertainment instead. Such things are so diverting. Often she'll read what feels like a single page and look at the clock to find that hours have passed. She discovers the mortals are fond of something called movies. Thor's companions often settle in to watch them in the evenings. Frigga enjoys them well enough but often in the middle of one, the story and the people in it will change entirely, leaving her feeling lost as to what the point of the tale was. Perchance it is merely a bit of cultural difference. After all, the mortals don't seem to have the same trouble following the plot. At times their conversations follow a similar pattern, changing topic midstream without warning and leaving her the only one perplexed. A quirk of mortal minds, perhaps.

As the days on Midgard pass, she finds herself less bothered by old concerns. The dreams still come but they are hazy and less defined than before. The man is harder to see but she discerns he is no longer screaming. His face is lax and his eyes vacant, almost as if in death. The sight grieves her but is soon forgotten when she wakes. Whatever troubles her in the night quickly flees far from her mind in the morn. Perhaps she worried over nothing.

If it was important, surely she'd remember.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (in my best John Cleese voice): And now for something completely different. 
> 
> Okay, maybe not completely different, but we're going to make a bit of a departure in tone from the previous parts of the story now. Here we see Thor can't find answers, Jane wants to help, and Darcy is, well, Darcy. Enjoy a bit of fluff before we really get back on the angst train. (Although because it's me, there's still some angst in the middle.)

Jane stared down at the mobile phone in her hands. More specifically, she stared at the number displayed on the screen. "This is insane."

"What's insane?" a voice asked out of nowhere.

She spun around so fast she almost fell out of the chair. "God, Darcy!" she exclaimed once she finished scrambling to stay in her seat. "Don't do that!"

Darcy only laughed in the face of her distress before dropping into the chair beside her. "So what's so insane that it has you up at..." she squinted at the clock, glasses nowhere in sight, "3:30 in the morning? Momma-bro freaking you out?"

"Don't call him that," Jane admonished her. "It's gross."

"Oh come on, like you find this all perfectly normal," Darcy retorted with an eye roll.

Jane rolled her eyes in return. "Yes, it's weird. But I actually met Thor's mother. She died protecting me and Loki almost died doing the same thing, so maybe try and summon up a little respect."

"Okay. Sorry." Darcy readjusted her robe and pretended not to look like a chastised child. "You didn't answer the question," she pointed out after a beat. "What's insane?"

Jane looked down and rubbed her thumb over the display of the phone without saying anything. There was a reason she was doing this in the middle of the night. She was about to do exactly what Thor asked her not to. And Darcy, as nice a person as she was, was not what you could call discreet.

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell Thor."

Darcy's jaw fell open. "You're keeping a secret from Muscles? What is it, you seeing somebody else? Is it that Richard guy?"

As much as she might think she was used to them, sometimes Jane still found Darcy's conversational left turns a little hard to follow. Particularly in the middle of the night. "What? I mean, no. Of course not."

"Or do you think he's seeing someone else? Is that who you were about to call? 'Cause you should remember to block your caller ID so-"

"Darcy!" Jane hissed, starting to get annoyed. "This isn't about me and Thor, okay? It's about Loki."

The other woman was silent while that sank in. Then she reached over and placed her hand on Jane's. Her voice filled with faux concern, she said, "Don't go for the crazy ones. They're not as much fun as you'd think."

"Oh my god," Jane sighed, pulling her hands away so she could bury her face in them.

Darcy snickered, "Which one?"

Jane stood up, shoving her chair back so hard it nearly tipped over and headed for the bedroom. "Forget it."

"Oh come on," Darcy called after her. "Okay, I'm sorry. For real. I'll be good, I swear."

Turning and crossing her arms, she asked, "And do you also swear not to tell Thor about this?"

Darcy raised one hand while laying the other on a non-existent Bible. "I swear I will not tell Jane's secret, even if the secret is she's getting some on the side."

She considered the promise for a minute, tapping one finger on her arm before uncrossing them and coming to sit back down. "Thor's brother is getting worse. Thor still thinks we'll find a solution here but I've seen Asgard. I wouldn't know how to describe some of that stuff, let alone understand how it works. If I had a few years maybe I could learn enough about their science or magic or whatever to undo what's been done to Loki but I don't think he has years."

"Would that be so bad?" Darcy asked. "I mean, if he's dying or something then yeah, we should help. But if not, this version of him... or her... whatever, is kind of cool. More polite conversation and less demands for absolute surrender and obedience. No alien armies coming through a hole in the sky either."

"But this version isn't him. This is what somebody forced him to be against his will and then brainwashed him into forgetting it ever happened. Thor's already noticed it's affecting Loki's cognitive abilities. Who knows what else it's doing that we can't see?"

"Right. Bad idea, then," Darcy conceded, nodding her head. "So what do we do?"

Jane looked back down at the phone on the table. "I was thinking of calling SHIELD."

"Uh, Earth to Jane? I know you divide most of your time between looking at the sky, looking at the sky through your instruments, and looking at information about the sky recorded by your instruments, but you need to turn on the tv once in a while too. SHIELD doesn't exist anymore. They kind of exploded. Literally."

"I know. God, I'm not that oblivious." Ignoring Darcy's 'Yeah, right' face, Jane went on, "I know SHIELD's kind of a mess but Agent Coulson did give me an  _emergency_  emergency number when we were relocated to Tromsø. He promised someone would always pick up no matter what. And it's not like I need someone who works... worked for them to come all the way to London. I'm just hoping they might know if there are any magic experts on Earth we could talk to."

One of Darcy's eyebrows shot up. "You think they're gonna give you that kind of information just because you ask for it?"

Jane shrugged. "I did kind of help save the universe a little while back. Maybe I could say they owe me one?"

"I'm sure that'll go over well. Hang on though, won't they just wanna lock him up and throw away the key for like... forever? I mean, they took your notebook with all those chicken scratch formulas and stuff. They took my iPod, Jane. My _iPod._ And it wasn't even a good one. If they'd take that kind of small-time stuff, they'll really want something as important as him."

"I wasn't going to tell them about Loki. Just that Thor and I could use some help with a little problem that requires some magical expertise. Even if they do get suspicious, it's not like they have a cavalry to send in right now."

Darcy looked at her as if she'd lost her mind. "That's your story. You have a little problem that needs magical help? Jane, are you trying to get us arrested, 'cause I'm pretty sure there are easier ways to do it that don't involve scary government people."

"No, but..." Jane trailed off. Now that she said it out loud, the cover story did sound rather ridiculous.

"What about Iron Man?" Darcy asked suddenly.

"Tony?"

"Yeah. Didn't Thor say-" she gave Jane an odd look. "Tony? You call him Tony?"

"Everyone calls him Tony."

"Not the way you just did. You said it like you know him."

Jane sighed. She had hoped to hang on to that secret a little longer. "I do. Kind of. He contacted me after New York and offered to trade me what he had on the portal Loki had Erik open for my findings on the Einstein-Rosen bridge. We email a couple times a week, compare notes and stuff."

"You're email buddies with an Avenger and you didn't tell me. How could you not tell me?" Darcy squeaked.

"You know an Avenger too," Jane countered. "There's one here right now."

"Yeah but-"

"Can we get back on topic before the sun rises?"

Darcy slouched back in her chair, crossing her arms and putting on a pout. "Fine."

Jane waited a beat but Darcy just sat there fuming silently. "Uh, Darce? You were the one who brought up Stark. What about him?"

Without letting up on her glowering expression, Darcy explained. "Thor said _Tony_  hacked into SHIELD's computers. If he still has that info, there might be something in there about magic users on Earth."

"Oh... yeah," she replied, ever so eloquent.

It didn't erase the problem of having to go against Thor's wishes but contacting Tony instead of SHIELD was probably the lesser of two evils. Going by what Jane had seen in the coverage of the Senate hearings, Stark didn't seem too keen on any intelligence organization meddling in his work or his life, so there was less of a chance SHIELD, or Homeland Security, or whoever ran things these days would catch wind of it. Still, they'd have to tell him something for the info.

"Since my cover story was so awful, do you have any ideas?" she asked.

Darcy was still upset at her not admitting that she knew Iron Man. "Maybe," she said sullenly.

"Any chance you'll share with the class?"

The only answer was silence.

"Look," Jane said, breaking the quiet with a sigh. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it's not like I actually _know_  him. We've never met face to face. If we ever do have to meet in person, I promise I'll introduce you. Okay?"

Darcy tilted her head from side to side as she weighed the offer. Apparently making up her mind, she said, "You think he could get Captain America's autograph?"

Holding back a smile, Jane replied, "I'm sure he could arrange something."

"Okay, deal." She sat forward and steepled her fingers in a cartoonish villain pose. "Now let's figure out how to keep you out of prison."

~~~|~~~

Thor closed the laptop computer before him and sighed. Today's search proved just as fruitless as every day before. The Midgardian concept of magic seemed confined to charlatan stage performers and fictional entertainment. Without seeking his fellow Avengers for help, he had no access to resources to learn how to undo what was done to Loki.

It was beyond frustrating. He had hoped that with Odin dead and them away from Asgard, the spell on Loki would fall away on its own. At first it seemed like it would. Though his brother still wore the form of their dead mother and still believed he was her, there were signs of improvement. 'She' seemed happier, not as stressed as when he found 'her'. As the days wore on however, 'she' gave no sign of knowing or remembering who 'she' really was. Thor tried with gentle prodding to get through to the real Loki but his efforts only deepened 'her' confusion. At times, 'she' looked at him as though 'she' didn't even know him. It seemed ever more likely they, or at the very least _he,_ would have to return to Asgard to find a solution for Loki's state. A step that could very well spell doom for both of them.

"So... I have something to tell you."

Thor looked up from the computer to find Jane standing at the edge of the couch.

"But first you have to promise not to get mad," she went on.

The words made him wary. They sounded like what Darcy would say before explaining how she broke some of Jane's equipment. "What have you done?"

Jane shrank back a little, making Thor regret his choice of words. "That's not a promise."

"Very well," he replied. "I promise I will not become angry with you."

"Okay." She then took a deep breath. "Uh... you know how you haven't had much luck finding a solution for your brother?"

"Yes."

"Well... I sort of got in touch with someone I thought could help."

Thor felt a twinge of anxiety then. There weren't many on Earth who would be knowledgeable on seiðr. The ones he was aware of were the very ones he was hiding from. If she feared telling him what she found out, there couldn't be many reasons why. "Who?"

Jane swallowed with an audible gulp. "Tony Stark."

" _Jane!_ They can't know about this."

Her hands fluttered nervously in front of her. "I know, I know. You didn't want the Avengers to know Loki's here and alive and I swear I didn't tell him."

"Why didn't you speak with me first?"

"Because I didn't want to get your hopes up if Tony didn't have anything."

"Jane, I don't expect you to solve this," Thor told her. "Loki is my concern. I am imposing enough on you asking to shelter him here. I don't want you to feel obligated to help us."

Jane looked down at her hands for a moment. "Thor, Loki saved my life. He may have had ulterior motives but it doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't be here if not for him." Her eyes came back up to him. "Besides, you said it yourself. He's getting worse. The confusion, the lapses, even I can see it and I hardly know him. You're crazy if you think I would just sit by and let him suffer."

Thor's temper began to subside. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted that way. It's only that I fear what your authorities would do if they knew my brother was here. They were not pleased he eluded trial for his deeds here."

"I know," she said. "And believe me, I'm no more inclined to involve them than you are given what I saw of their methods in New Mexico. That Agent Coulson was decent to us after you went back. He was the only one I even remotely trusted, but he's gone too."

All Thor could do was nod. He hadn't yet told her Loki was the reason Coulson was dead. "So, what did you say? To Stark, I mean."

"That I was looking for some help studying a particular phenomenon connected with the bifrost and given what you said about science and magic being related, I was wondering if there was anyone on earth who was more of an expert on the magic side of things. We figured SHIELD probably had that kind of information and you told me Stark got into their computers before. We thought he might still have some of it."

"We?"

She ducked her head somewhat sheepishly. "Darcy's the one who came up with cover story. She's the devious one. My idea was way lamer."

He couldn't help but smile. "So, did her craftiness yield anything?"

"Yeah." Jane sat down beside him on the couch and took the laptop. "There's one known magic user that SHIELD considered a potential ally." She opened what Thor recognized as a messaging program and tapped on the keys until one particular message came up. "Tony didn't have the full file, but he sent what he had."

She handed the computer back to him. At the top of the screen was pictured a man with dark hair that was greying at his temples. A brief and somewhat vague biography followed. The man had been a healer at one point, specifically a surgeon. An accident damaged his hands, ending his career. He apparently sought out numerous other healers in an effort to find help for his condition so that he could return to his profession. When those efforts met with no success, he disappeared for several years. Whatever he'd done during that time wasn't included in the file. It only said that after his re-emergence into society, he seemed to have certain gifts that could not be explained.

"Stark believes this man can help?"

Jane shrugged. "We don't know, but he's is the closest thing we have to an expert on this planet. And according to the file, he's refused offers to work directly for SHIELD, which is a good thing in my books considering what they turned out to be."

"Indeed," Thor replied. He reached the end of the missive from Stark. It was rather too short for his comfort and gave very little information as the the man's character. "This is not much to go on."

"I know," she agreed. "But if you still want to keep Loki a secret this is probably the best we can do."

Thor set the computer down on the coffee table and then leaned back against the couch, his head tilted so he was looking up at the ceiling.

"What are you thinking?" Jane asked, a note of concern in her voice.

"I'm thinking that my brother is in dire need of help and my best chance at breaking the spell tormenting him is to put his fate in the hands of a man I've never met." He sighed, though it sounded more like a groan. "Jane, it's my fault. If I hadn't been so quick to leave Asgard to return here, none of this would have happened. My f- Odin was set so against my affection for you and this realm and he was even more obstinate after my mother's death. Why did I think he would let me go with so little argument?"

She moved closer, settling in against his side. "Most people don't question it when things go their way. We just want the good luck to keep rolling, so we pretend not to think about it. Like if we do it will go away."

"But if I hadn't been so selfish..." he trailed off.

"You're not selfish," she said. "Just human. Well, not quite human. But you know what I mean."

"I do," he answered, though it sounded more sombre than he intended.

Jane craned her neck to look up at him. "Okay, what was with _that_ tone?"

Thor stifled another sigh. "Jane, when your parents died, what did you do? How did you carry on?"

"There's no secret trick to it," she told him, settling her head against his chest. "It's awful, and it hurts, and you have no choice but to keep living your life, day by day. Eventually you'll think of them and realize it doesn't hurt anymore. All you remember are the good things."

"But how did you get through it alone?"

"I wasn't alone. I had Erik and my friends."

"I never imagined life without my parents," Thor said. "That is, I did, but never like this. I always saw myself taking the throne with them beside me. I never thought I would be the one to... Jane, I killed him. My own father. I..."

Jane sat up so she could look at him directly. "He wasn't your father anymore. Not when he did this. No one in their right mind would do what he did to Loki."

He knew she was right but the thought was no comfort. "I don't know what to do now. Odin was everything I once aspired to be. Seeing him that way... it was more than disturbing. I never, not even in nightmares, thought I would live to see him so far gone, let alone imagine I would be the one to end his life. Now he is dead, mother is dead, and all the family I have left is a Loki who doesn't even know who he is."

"I know you've been through a lot," she told him. "But Thor, you need to stop talking like you've already lost. We'll find this guy Tony told us about and if he can't help, we'll find someone else who can."

"What then?" Thor asked. "Loki was so changed after his fall. I feel as though I hardly knew him these last few years."

"You did it again. Stop talking as if he's gone," she admonished. "You're both still here. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling you you get a second chance."

Thor's eyebrows furrowed. "I thought you didn't believe in such things as fate."

"I didn't," she admitted. "But then one night a Norse god fell out of the sky and I hit him with my car. If that can happen, I'm prepared to believe in the extraordinary. We'll find a way to help Loki. We'll bring him back, I promise."

Thor smiled. Though he didn't share her optimism, her boundless determination never failed to warm his heart. He gently wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close again. "I'm so glad it was _you_  who hit me with your vehicle."

She smirked. "Even the second time?"

"Even then." He felt her chuckle against his chest.

"You're weird."

"Well, I am an alien."

Jane was about to say something in return but just then, the door opened and Darcy burst through it.

"Okay," she said by way of greeting. "If you two can manage to detach yourselves from each other, I brought dinner."

She held up several bags with the name of a restaurant Thor didn't recognize on them. He privately suspected she had made it her mission to sample every eating establishment in the city of London, since she never went to the same one twice. Jane got up to help unpack the food while Thor followed to set the table.

"Where's Ian?" she asked.

Darcy's eyes went wide. "Uh oh."

"Did you leave him at the restaurant? Again?"

"Maybe," she said, snatching up her keys from the kitchen counter where she'd dropped them. She went to the front door and pulled it open only to find Ian standing there, looking rather put out.

"Again!" he exclaimed, pushing past her into the flat.

"How did you get here?" she asked, closing the door behind him.

"Oh, now you care?"

"Ian-"

"I took a cab, thank you very much," he snapped, turning to face her with his arms crossed.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I just sort of... forgot."

"You forgot," he repeated. "You _forgot!_ People forget their keys or their umbrella, Darcy. They don't forget _other people_."

"I said I was sorry. Besides that's nothing compared to what Jane did to Thor. She hit him with the van."

"Twice," Jane and Thor supplied at the same time.

"Yeah, and I even tased him," Darcy added. "Compared to that, getting left behind is nothing."

Ian looked upward, exasperated. "I'm living in a madhouse," he said to the ceiling. "They all complete nutters. Every one!"

"Yeah... but... you love us anyway," Darcy replied, slow and hesitant. "Right?"

His eyes came back down to her. "No," he said flatly. Darcy's face fell then. Then Ian's expression softened and the corners of his mouth quirked up in a smile. "It's why I love you. God help me."

Darcy smiled as she threw her arms around his neck. Then she pulled back and smacked his arm. "Don't scare me like that."

"You did leave without me," he returned, still grinning.

"I'm _sorry._ "

"Just left me there, waving my arms in the air like a tit while you drove away."

Darcy buried her face in her hands. "Okay, okay. I'm a horrible girlfriend."

"No, no," Ian consoled her. "You're just... an absolute loon."

She gave him another playful smack before going to help Jane set out the food. Thor finished laying out the dishes, still smiling from the banter between his companions. It wasn't exactly like the flyting he was accustomed to in Asgard, but it had its own charm and the laughter from all three of them was contagious. His spirits were lifted so much he forgot for the moment just what was weighing them down. That is, until another voice joined in.

"You all seem to be in a jovial mood."

Thor looked up to find 'Frigga' standing at the edge of the kitchen. No matter how many times it happened, he never got over how disconcerting it was to see 'her'. He'd watched his mother die, powerless to save her. As long as Loki wore her form, Thor felt as though he was a living reminder of that failure, to say nothing of how much it seemed like having her corpse walking and talking among them. 'She' too was uncomfortable in his presence, though Thor didn't know the reason for it. It didn't help the matter when all sounds of talk and laughter ceased when 'she' emerged. Somewhat surprisingly, Jane was the first to recover.

"Yes, uh, your majesty," she said. "In fact we were just about to ask you to join us. Weren't we?" She nudged Darcy with her elbow.

"Yup," Darcy agreed. "Totally were about to do that."

'Frigga' nodded and came to take her place at the table. Thor thought he saw a flicker of resentment cross 'her' face. He felt a pang of guilt at the thought he'd seen something like it before. There were so many times when Thor's younger, and much more thoughtless, self forgot to include his brother in adventures he had with his friends. Most of the time it wasn't deliberate but Loki was hurt nonetheless. His brother stopped complaining to anyone about it when they still were young but every so often, Thor saw those same signs of bitterness he was picking up from 'Frigga' now. Not that he did anything about it back then. No, his oblivious younger self carried on while Loki buried his feelings until he felt compelled to unleash them through the Destroyer. 

The crash of a plate hitting the floor jarred Thor from his thoughts. He looked over to find Ian crouching to pick up a plate he had tried to hand to 'Frigga'. A small smirk twisted the corner of 'her' mouth and Thor saw more reminders if his brother. Some parts of him were bleeding through and yet, there was every sign he still believed he was Frigga. Loki was still in there, and Thor had to find him before it was too late.

~~~|~~~

Thor paced nervously on the terrace outside Jane's flat. He and Jane had contacted the Midgardian sorcerer and were expecting the man any moment now. Once he arrived, there would be no turning back. The circle of people who knew the truth about Loki would include a man they knew next to nothing about. They had no idea of his allegiances, no way of knowing if he would reveal Loki's presence, and no guarantee he would even help to begin with. Hence, the anxious pacing.

He strode to one side of the terrace to look down over the parapet to the street below. All those people down there going about their day, each with their own lives and concerns. They had no idea that living in the rooms above them was the would-be-conqueror of earth, with just a bit of brick and mortar separating them. Their lives were so short, so fragile. It was a wonder to him they could accomplish so much without being overcome by the thought of how at any moment their existence could be cut short without warning. He caught himself wishing for a moment he could be so carefree, even if it was an illusion. It would be nice to lay aside his worries and just live his life the way he always thought he would.

Stepping back from the wall, Thor turned around, at which point he very nearly summoned Mjolnir because standing not ten feet away was a man who hadn't been there mere seconds before. He curbed his reflex just in time to keep the hammer from giving the flat a new window.

"Thor Odinson, I presume?" the man asked.

"Yes."

He nodded. "I am Doctor Steven Strange."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we go on I have to admit, I've never read a Dr. Strange comic. Pretty much everything I know about him comes from the Marvel Wiki so if there is any major OOC'ness, I apologize.

Dr. Strange was certainly a sight to behold. While Thor had taken to wearing simple Midgardian attire since taking up residence there, this man clearly preferred something more ostentatious. He wore a navy blue tunic over black trousers with a gold sash tied about his waist. Over his shoulders was a bright red cloak with a collar so high it nearly reached the top of his head. Around his neck was a large golden amulet. As Thor regarded it, he had the most unsettling feeling the amulet was somehow looking back at him.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me," Thor said at last.

Strange gave a slight nod of his head. "You are welcome, though I must admit, you were a little vague in your request for my assistance."

"Forgive my reticence to share doctor, but in this case secrecy is of the utmost importance."

"And why is that?"

Thor steeled himself. This was it. Once he answered the question, there would be no escaping the consequences. "I told you my brother is in need of your help. What I did not explain is that he was the one responsible for the Battle of New York. He stole a powerful artifact and used it to bring in an army of his allies in an attempt to subjugate this realm."

"I see," Strange replied. "It was my understanding he was returned to his home world."

"He was. Odin consigned him to Asgard's dungeons for the rest of his life."

"Yet you have brought him here."

"I no longer believed Asgard to be a safe environment for him," Thor said, skirting the core of the issue.

Strange cocked an eyebrow and stroked his chin with one hand. "Why is that?"

"After all of his misdeeds and treachery, I don't think anyone will believe he did not orchestrate his escape or the situation in which I found him."

"How did he escape?"

"...With my help," Thor admitted after a long hesitation. "Our home was attacked and our mother was killed. In his grief, the All-Father was of no help. The only one who could take us to our enemy was Loki."

Looking intrigued, Strange asked, "And you trusted him to aid you, after all he'd done?"

"Not him, no. I trusted that his desire for vengeance against our mother's killer was stronger than his hatred for me. He saved my life on Svartalfheim at the expense of his own, or so I thought." 

Thor had to pause then. Twice he'd had to witness Loki die and though he knew his brother yet lived, the memories of those moments still haunted him. The sick feeling of utter helplessness at watching Loki's fall from the Bifrost or the life drain from his body on Svartalfheim was all too easy to recall.

"I know not how he survived but sometime later he returned to Asgard where he confronted Odin. No one knew the extent our mother's death affected him. My brother is a shape-shifter and in his madness the All-Father saw that gift as a way to have his wife at his side again. By means of his seiðr, he forced Loki to take her form, then did something to his mind to make him believe he is her. When I learned of this, I returned to Asgard and brought Loki here."

The story he told was missing several significant details, such as exactly how he got Loki away from Odin which he desperately hoped the sorcerer wouldn't ask about. He waited for Dr. Strange to say something in reply but for the longest time nothing happened. The longer they stood there, the more Thor had the strangest sense of something peering into his soul. His eyes were once more drawn to the amulet around the sorcerer’s neck. It almost seemed... aware. Then quite suddenly, the feeling was gone.

"All right. Take me to him."

Thor blinked in surprise, not sure he heard correctly. "Pardon?"

"Take me to your brother," Strange said again. "You wanted me to see if I could help him, did you not?"

"...Yes," he answered. "I'm sorry. It is only that given the gravity of Loki's crimes on this world, I was expecting to have to convince you to help."

The sorcerer gave him a slight smile. "I'm not blind to what your brother has done but his deeds don't disallow him from receiving the care he needs to live. If I can provide the help he needs and I walk away, then I am no better than the one who did this to him."

The last sentence went almost unheard by Thor because his thoughts were caught on two little words the sorcerer said before it. "To live?"

"Yes. I'll explain more later but for now I'll tell you that if your brother's state is what I suspect, his life is in danger. Now, if you would." He gestured toward the flat.

"Of course," Thor replied, already moving toward the door. He had already worried for Loki's sanity under Odin's spell but it hadn't even occurred to him there could be a physical cost as well.

In his urgency to take Dr. Strange to his brother, Thor nearly broke the handle off the door. The noise startled Jane, who was waiting in the kitchen just inside. He'd not wanted her to meet the sorcerer with him in case there was a problem but his concern was all but forgotten. After a hasty introduction, he led their guest to 'Frigga's' room.

"A moment, please," he asked. Strange stood back from the door as Thor went in.

'Frigga' sat in a chair facing away from the door and toward the window. A book was open in 'her' lap but she wasn't reading. Rather, 'her' gaze was out the window, looking out over the city.

"Mother?" Thor called out. It took a mighty effort not to choke on the word.

'She' turned at hearing it with lips slightly parted and a look in 'her' eye that 'she' was about to correct him, only before 'she' could, the expression faded, like she'd lost her train of thought. "What is it?" 'she' asked at length.

Trying not to show how much Dr. Strange's warning had unnerved him, Thor said, "The man I told you about is here."

He had the sense from their earlier conversation that 'she' wasn't keen on meeting the sorcerer and it was reaffirmed now by the way 'she' sat up straighter in the chair, 'her' back rigid. "You didn't say he would be coming here."

"Yes I did. I explained it last night, do you remember?"

'She' looked down at 'her' dress and pretended to smooth out some creases. "Of course I do."

Thor had to swallow back a sigh. 'She' didn't remember, and 'her' poor attempt at covering 'herself' was obvious even to him. Lapses like that were becoming ever more frequent and always disturbed Thor. Loki's mind was always leagues ahead of everyone else but as 'Frigga', he often forgot simple details and at times whole conversations. 'Her' mind was slowing down in other ways as well. Thor would see 'her' reading a single page of a book for an hour or more, a pace that would not be acceptable for a child just starting to learn his letters. To Thor, who was used to Loki's lightning quick intellect, it was most disconcerting. He tried as best he could to hide the feeling as he came to kneel beside her chair.

"You told me you've found your thoughts vexing since you nearly died. This man believes he can help you. Will you let him try?"

'She' wouldn't meet his eyes. "I... I don't know." 

Thor took 'her' hands in his. "I understand why this troubles you, but he is a decent man. No harm will come to you, I swear it."

What happened next was nothing short of frightening. 'Frigga's' eyes became distant and empty. 'Her' hands slid limp from his grasp and when Thor called 'her' name, 'she' gave no sign 'she' heard. For a moment, Thor almost believed 'her' dead or something close to it. It was as if 'her' mind had fled and left behind only an empty shell of a body.

"Loki!" Thor exclaimed, grasping 'her' by the shoulders and giving a shake.

'She' blinked. Thor watched as awareness slowly came back to 'her'. 'Her' eyes wandered about the room before landing on Thor again. For several heartbeats, Thor saw no recognition in them.

"...Thor?" she gasped.

He nodded. "Are you all right?"

"...I don't know..."

"What happened?" Thor asked, failing to keep the desperation out of his tone.

'She' answered while shaking her head. "It was... I heard... screaming... and... something..."

The harder 'she' tried to explain, the more confused the words became. It was as if the more 'she' talked, the less clear an idea 'she' had of what 'she' wanted to say.

"It's okay. It's okay," Thor assured her. "You don't have to explain. But this is why you need to let Dr. Strange help you."

"Help me with what?"

"With this," he said. "With the nightmares and the constant turmoil in your thoughts."

'She' looked at him as though 'she' didn't know of what he spoke.

"Please, just trust me," Thor pleaded. If it came down to it, he would make her accept Dr. Strange's assistance but he dreaded the thought of doing it. "I promise I would do nothing to hurt you, nor allow anyone else to."

"A-all right," 'Frigga' agreed at last.

Thor took one of 'her' hands and pressed his lips to 'her' knuckles. "Thank you."

He stood and turned back toward the door, pausing for a moment to gather himself before fetching the doctor. 'Frigga' wasn't the only one whose thoughts were in turmoil. That fit of 'hers' was unlike anything he'd ever seen before and Thor was terrified to think it might still only be a beginning. Strange thought 'her' life was in danger as well as 'her' mind. If he couldn't help, they may not have time to search for another who could.

Opening the door, Thor bid the sorcerer to enter. The man came in, his his steps faltering a little on catching sight of 'Frigga' for the first time. He recovered quickly enough that Thor paid the stumble no mind. Behind him, he heard a rustle of fabric and he glanced over his shoulder to see 'Frigga' rising up out of her chair. For one agonizing moment, 'she' was Thor's mother, the queen of Asgard, as she prepared to hold an audience with a guest. Then Thor saw 'her' trembling hands, the uncertain way 'she' held herself, such glaring flaws in the facade. How did Odin ever think he could carry the deception off?

"This is Doctor Strange," Thor introduced the mortal. "Doctor, this is..." he trailed off still uncomfortable with addressing Loki as 'mother'.

"Frigga," the man filled in Thor's silence. "It is an honour, though I wish it was under better circumstances."

"Thor tells me you know of seiðr," 'she' said, her manner abrupt. "To my knowledge, most mortals left off believing in such things."

"I was one of them," Strange admitted, stepping past Thor. "But life taught me a rather difficult lesson that changed my understanding. Since then, I've spent a number of years devoted to the study of magic. I have come to have great respect for the art. I hope you will give me the chance to show you."

'Frigga's' eyes flicked back and forth between the two men opposite 'her'.

"I promise, no harm will come to you," the mortal assured her.

Looking over Strange's shoulder, Thor nodded, putting as much confidence in the gesture as he could muster. For the most part he had faith the man could be trusted, but he still had misgivings. The worst thing he could do was reveal them to 'Frigga', however. 'She' was almost seemed afraid of 'herself' at the moment. If 'she' picked up on his uneasiness as well, things could get rather difficult.

'Frigga' clasped her hands together before 'her'. "What do you intend to do?"

"All I want to do for now is look," Strange said. "I can probe your mind to see what effect the spell has had on you."

"What spell?"

Thor's breath caught in his throat, afraid that Strange had revealed too much, but the sorcerer answered the question with ease.

"Thor told me you were recently near death and that Odin used his magic to bring you back. Since your trouble started there, it's likely the spell is causing after effects."

"I don't remember," 'Frigga' replied, looking down at her hands.

"Don't remember what?"

"I don't remember that," 'she' said. "I was told but I... I can't remember anything about..." 'she' trailed off, gesturing toward 'her' chest, the site of the wound that supposedly killed 'her'.

"That's why I'm here," Strange told 'her'. "I think I can find what's causing those gaps in your memory and fix it. Would you like me to try?"

'She' gave him another long, silent look before inclining 'her' head in a nod.

"Okay. You may wish to sit down. I've been told this process can be a little dizzying."

'Frigga' took his advice after a slight hesitation. Strange took up position behind the chair, something that seemed to make 'her' nervous, so Thor returned to the same spot he had been kneeling on a few minutes earlier. He took 'her' hand once more and felt 'her' grip on him tighten as the doctor placed the fingertips of his hands at 'her' temples.

"Now you may feel an urge to keep me out but I need you to resist it. If I have to force things it will be uncomfortable and difficult for both of us," he explained.

"You make it sound like such a small thing," 'she' muttered.

"I know this is difficult but I assure you, you have nothing to fear from me."

Thor caught the doubt that passed over 'her' features but to his relief, 'she' didn't protest further. He watched as both 'she' and the doctor closed their eyes at almost the same time. Strange's eyebrows furrowed after a minute.

"Frigga, please relax. For your sake and mine."

Though it felt like an insignificant gesture, Thor squeezed 'her' hand, reminding 'her' of his presence. 'She' needed to trust them both but even before his fall, Loki was hesitant to trust people. In Frigga's form, where 'she' wasn't sure what was going on in 'her' own mind, it could only be worse. Thor hoped 'she' would be able to let go long enough to allow them to help.

"That's it," Strange commended.

He couldn't see any evidence of it, but Thor hoped the statement meant things were going well. The next few minutes passed in silence with Thor having to fight the urge to fidget. All he could do was watch and wait. This was nothing he could fix, nothing he could even help with. It went against all his natural inclinations to just stand by while others did all the work but 'Frigga' needed him there and if all he could offer was support, then he was resolved to do it. The silence was broken by both 'Frigga' and Strange making almost identical sounds of surprise.

"What? What is it?" Thor asked, a note of urgency creeping into his voice.

"I believed I've found the source of the problem," Strange informed him, though his voice was distant, as if his focus was elsewhere.

"Can you remove the lock?" 'Frigga' asked.

Strange's hands twitched and his eyes fluttered open. "You can see it?"

"I... I can now but... it's difficult. I don't know why."

"Interesting," he said. "I've never had that happen before."

"See what?" Thor demanded, frustrated at how much of the conversation was beyond his understanding.

"There is something like a lock on her mind," Strange explained, much to Thor's relief. "It's blocking her from accessing a part of herself."

Thor studied 'Frigga's' face, looking for any sign of a problem. 'She' seemed a little shaken but otherwise fine. He stood up, eyes fixed on the mortal. "Can you remove it?"

Strange stepped back, then steepled his fingers in front of him and held up to his lips. "I think I can. The spell has degraded a little, enough for me to see how to unravel what remains. I'll need to do a bit of research first but I should be able to break it. However," he paused in order to walk around to the front of the chair and face 'Frigga'. "Once I remove the spell there will be consequences, none of them pleasant. You will be extremely disoriented for a period of time. I can't say how long it will last but it will be severe. You may not even remember who you are for a time. Do you still want to proceed?"

While Thor bristled at the doctor's side, 'Frigga' asked, "Are you certain it will pass?"

"I'm not. I'm sorry but I can offer you no promises."

'She' looked away from both of them and back to the window, weighing the options. Thor was struggling to keep himself from throttling Strange. The man told him Loki's life was in danger and now he was trying to talk him out of accepting help. What was he playing at?

"I want you to do it," 'Frigga' announced suddenly, her voice steady.

Strange gave her a measuring look. "You're certain?"

"Yes." 'Her' voice was even more sure sounding on the second answer.

"All right. Then I'll leave you for now. I should be back by tomorrow at the latest." Strange turned to Thor. "Mr. Odinson, if you would see me out?"

"Of course," Thor answered, not quite able to conceal how perturbed he was with the man. He waited until they were back in the hall and the door was closed behind him before the question exploded from his mouth. "What were you thinking?"

The other man gave him a confused look. "When?"

"When you tried to convince my brother not to do this? Surely you can see the effect the spell is having on him."

"I don't recall doing anything of the sort," Strange replied, maddeningly calm.

Thor couldn't contain himself. He grabbed the edges of the man's collar and shoved him against the wall. "Do not test me doctor. Loki is my brother and I-"

"Calm down, Thor," Strange interrupted. "I will explain but not until you release me."

With a displeased grunt, he loosened his grip. Thor then stepped back and crossed his arms, giving the man a cold stare that would stop a rampaging bilgesnipe but the sorcerer was oddly impervious to it as he straightened his collar and briefly examined his amulet.

"I was not trying to dissuade Loki from accepting my help. I thought he should go into this with his eyes open. In medicine, we don't treat anyone without giving them the best idea we can of what they can expect with any course of action. I see no reason that same principle shouldn't apply here. He has a right to know the toll removing the spell will take on him, since he is the one who will have to live with it. You think I said too much. The reality is I was holding back, but I couldn't explain more without revealing the whole truth, which I'm sure would only cause Loki more distress."

Thor anger was gone in a flash, replaced by the feeling of his sinking heart. "What did you withhold"

Strange sighed. "The spell containing his true consciousness is also keeping him in his current shape. When a shape-shifter is forced to hold a form other than their own for an extended period of time, it puts the person under great strain, both mental and physical. The spell is constantly fighting against the body's instinct to return to its natural form. It is a perpetual drain on his power. Once it used up his energy, the spell began to feed on his body and mind to sustain itself. The working Odin put in place would have killed Loki in the end, but not before driving him insane first. As it is, he doesn't have much time left." He fingered the amulet again. "This is the Eye of Agamotto. It is a powerful artifact that lets me see the truth in anyone or anything, no matter how it is hidden. I saw what lay beneath Loki's false form. Believe me when I tell you your brother has a very long, hard road ahead of him. I'm not sure he'll ever fully recover."

Not for the first time, Thor simultaneously cursed and mourned Odin. It was impossible for him not to have known the burden the spell would place on Loki. His supposed 'gift' from the Norns would never be what he wanted, not if his beloved 'Frigga' wasted away. Yet when Thor confronted him, he behaved as if this new version of his wife would be at his side forever. How deranged had he become if the end result hadn't even occurred to him? How could he have left Loki at the mercy of that madness for months? Od's blood, if Sif and the others hadn't suspected a problem, the whole of Asgard could have been brought to ruin along with Loki. And all so Thor could see to his own selfish wants.

Strange closed the distance between them and reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder. "I understand the tendency to blame yourself Thor, but you need to set it aside as much as you can. Once the spell is removed, Loki will be adrift. If he is to have any chance at recovering, it will only be with you at his side."

Thor laughed without any hint of humour before scrubbing his hands over his face. "You'll forgive me if I don't quite believe you. In our youth Loki and I were close but as men... we grew apart, doctor. I didn't see it until it was too late. These last few years we spent as enemies. Why would he accept my help now?"

The smile on the mortal's face would not have been out of place on Loki's with it's glint of mischief. It had a slight twist that told Thor Strange knew something he didn't. "You forget, the Eye shows me the truth in anything, including Loki's heart. Loki loves you. He's tried hard to root it out and even harder to bury it when he couldn't, yet it remains. The entire time I was probing his mind, his subconscious kept looking to you for reassurance. He only let me do what I needed to because you were there. Those feelings aren't a product of the spell, they came from him. On some level he remembers the bond the two of you had. After the spell is broken, he'll be relying heavily on those instincts because he won't have much else to guide him. So there's no room for guilt, you see. Loki will need you in the present with him, not in the past dwelling on old mistakes. I think you're up to the task." He paused. "Do you?"

It was odd hearing a vote of confidence spoken by one who hardly knew him. Though Thor wanted nothing more than to help his brother, his failure to protect even one member of his family was a heavy weight on his conscience. What if he failed again? What if he made more mistakes and lost Loki again? Jane may be right, the Norns may be giving him a second chance but if he didn't succeed this time, Thor doubted they'd be so generous as to give him a third.

_"Nervous, brother?" Loki teased._

_He laughed. "Have you ever known me to be nervous?"_

Echoes of an old conversation rang through Thor's mind, sounding as clearly as if Loki was standing next to him speaking the words. He could see the challenging glint in Loki's eye and remembered his own cocky response. Though Thor wouldn't trade the man he now was with the arrogant boy he was before his banishment, perhaps there were some things from that time he should remember. That boy would never let himself be so ruled by fear that he wouldn't so much as try. To him, challenges were made to be overcome. Perhaps he should find that spirit again.

"Yes, I do," he answered at last.

Dr. Strange smiled at him, evidently pleased by his answer. After the man said his farewell with a promise to return on the morrow, Thor wondered how many times he would have to tell himself he was equal to the task of helping Loki before he believed it.


	4. Chapter 4

The hours after Dr. Strange's departure passed far too slowly. No one seemed to know quite what to do with themselves until his return. Thor came up with numerous questions he should have asked while the sorcerer was still there. 'Frigga' stayed in 'her' room and spent the rest of the day staring out the window and muttering things to 'herself' that Thor couldn't decipher when he looked in on her. When night fell, he encouraged 'her' to rest and while 'she' listened, he could tell 'she' only pretended to sleep. Loki always tossed about in his sleep, so when Thor saw 'Frigga' laying perfectly still, he knew 'she' was awake. He had the same problem though, so he couldn't say much about it. He stayed up the whole night with Jane keeping him company and doing her best to keep him from dwelling on what would happen if Strange didn't succeed. At long last, morning arrived.

True to his word, Dr. Strange arrived less a day after he left. The man was hardly through the door before he found himself all but cornered by an anxious God of Thunder with a list of questions. 

"What of Loki's powers? If he doesn't remember who he is or who we are, he might lash out thinking he needs to protect himself."

The lines around Strange's mouth deepened as his lips pulled down into a frown. "Maintaining his altered form for so long has drained him far beyond what is normal. Whatever is left will not be enough to pose a threat to anyone for a very long time."

"But it will return?" Thor asked, hoping this would not be yet another thing Loki would have to endure losing.

"In time, yes. Though it could take months, if not longer."

At least there was something like good news. A Loki without magic wasn't Loki, it was so much a part of him. "The time he spent in our mother's form, will he remember any of it?"

"I can't really say," Strange said. "In matters of the mind it's difficult to be definite. He could remember all of it or none, or something in between." He hesitated, giving Thor an odd look. "Is there something specific you're worried about?"

There was, much as he would prefer not to think on it. In their mother's form, Loki was sharing a chamber with Odin. A chamber which had only one bed. Thor couldn't say if Odin was so far gone as to treat Loki as his wife in every way but after all he'd learned, it wasn't impossible. If it had happened and Loki retained the memory, the damage done would be unimaginable. Thor admitted none of this to Strange, despite how much it worried him. It felt altogether too private a matter to discuss with him, so Thor lied and said there was nothing. He remembered later that the amulet the sorcerer wore would let him see through the deception. Strange said nothing of it though. All he did was give a pointed glance at the clock.

"Thor, I know you are worried but time is of the essence. I really must get started with Loki. I'll be happy to discuss any other concerns you have after."

"Of course. I apologize for the delay."

With his heart pounding in his chest and blood rushing in his ears, Thor led the way back to 'Frigga's' room where Jane was trying to keep 'her' occupied as they waited for the sorcerer's return. The two of them looked up as he and Strange entered. Both Jane and 'Frigga' appeared as nervous as Thor felt as they stood up and exchanged greetings. The three of them moved back to leave Strange room as he began his preparations.

The sorcerer first pulled the bed slightly away from the wall so he could move behind it. He then took out a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the floor, surrounding the bed. In and around the circle he drew a number of sigils, none of them resembling the runes Thor was used to seeing. At his side, 'Frigga' was watching with an almost disinterested look on 'her' face. It struck Thor just how very wrong the expression was. When his brother was learning something new, he had a fierce determination to understand it. He approached learning the way a warrior approached the sparring ring, as if it was a battle to be won. The Loki Thor knew would have been crouched down low with his nose inches from the floor to investigate the markings. That enthusiasm was completely absent from 'Frigga's' eyes, instead there was only confusion. Something that should have fascinated 'her' left 'her' more befuddled than anything.

Strange finished drawing and stepped outside the circle on the floor to approach 'Frigga'. "Once the process is started, it cannot be stopped or reversed. Even if removing the spell starts doing more harm than good, I'll have no choice but to see it through to the end so I must ask you again, are you sure you want to proceed?"

Thor held his breath, afraid 'Frigga' might change her mind because of the dire warning. As it happened, his worry was baseless. After just a moment of hesitation, she said, "Yes."

"Very well," he replied, extending a hand toward her. "Please sit down."

'Frigga' took the proffered hand and let Strange guide 'her' to the edge of the bed. 'She' sat down with 'her' shoulders rigid and hands tightly clasped in 'her' lap. The sorcerer delved into a small satchel attached to his belt and came out with what looked like a piece of charcoal and drew several more signs on 'her' forehead, 'her' palms, and even one over 'her' heart.

"I'm going to put you in a light trance first," he said, rubbing his hands together to rid them of the charcoal residue. "The more relaxed you are, the easier this will be for both of us."

'Frigga' cast a nervous glance at Thor. This was the last chance 'she' had to change her mind because once in the trance, 'she' no longer had any control over what happened next. Thor could find no words of comfort so he did the only thing he could think of. He made a fist with one hand and placed it over his heart, as he would if swearing an oath. He hoped it would remind 'her' of his promise of protection. 'Frigga' stared at his hand for a moment before giving a slight nod and letting Strange ease 'her' into lying prone. He knelt behind the bed and rested his elbows on either side of 'her' head. Thor watched as the man placed his fingers against 'her' temples and muttered a few indecipherable words. 'Frigga's' eyelids drooped and fell closed, but not before she cast one more glance in Thor's direction. Strange stood and paused to look at 'her'. With a wave of his hand and a few murmured words, he transformed 'her' dress into a simple grey tunic and trousers.

"What are you doing?" Thor asked, not sure why the man would bother with something so trivial as aesthetics.

"With the spell gone, he'll return to his true form and those other clothes will most certainly not fit him," Strange explained. Then with a raised eyebrow he added, "Unless you'd rather he be naked?"

Thor shook his head and as he did, he couldn't help but imagine the way Loki would have laughed at him for missing something so obvious. "No, of course not. Please continue."

Jane muffled a nervous laugh beside him and Thor was grateful to have an excuse to look at her and away from 'Frigga'. His mother was the one he most wished to have at his side in trying times like these. She had been a source of unfailing wisdom. She would know what to tell him now to reassure him and make him believe things would be all right. To know she was not only gone, but to have her memory tarnished by this twisted version of her made by Odin left an ache that ran so deep in Thor's chest he wondered if he would ever get it out.

While Thor was wishing for times past, Strange began rearranging 'Frigga's' posture slightly. He took 'her' hands and laid each arm flat at 'her' sides. That's when he truly began.

Faster than Thor could follow, Strange drew signs in the air with both of his hands. Loki had told him magic was different on every realm but now Thor could see it with his own eyes. His brother and other Aesir only sometimes used gestures or incantations in their practice but everything Strange did included them. As his hands flew through the air, the space around them began to glow, first a faint blue, then a bright gold, until Thor was almost certain he could see the symbols Strange drew hanging in the air.

"Oh my god," Jane whispered. "This is incredible."

A slight smile found its way onto Thor's face despite his worry. The various forms of seiðr were so commonplace in Asgard they often were taken for granted. Seeing it through the eyes of someone for whom it was not so familiar was something he treasured.

The air around Strange and 'Frigga' continued to glow. As one of his hands continued gesturing, he placed his other on the top of 'her' head, the tips of his fingers just brushing 'her' scalp. Wisps of gold travelled out from his fingers toward her, seeming to disappear into 'her' hair. At first it appeared that nothing was happening, until one of 'Frigga's' hands twitched. It happened again, this time with both hands. Soon there were spasms like that all over 'her' body.

"What's happening?" Jane whispered. Though her question was directed at Thor, it was Strange who answered.

"His body is trying to revert to its true form but the spell hasn't broken down enough yet. It's causing some conflict in his system."

The shudders grew more violent and Thor struggled to restrain himself from intervening. To his untrained eye, it looked as though 'Frigga' was being tortured.

"Is... is he in pain?" he forced himself to ask.

Without looking up, Strange grimly said, "Yes."

Something else then caught his attention. The markings on 'Frigga's' skin had begun to glow and all of a sudden, 'her' hair turned dark. In the next few heartbeats, the rest of 'her' began to change. Thor gasped as he saw the shape of his brother emerge and a huge weight lifted from his shoulders. He hadn't realized until then how much he yet worried that Strange could not be trusted. Thor couldn't stop himself from wrapping his arm around Jane's shoulders in a slight embrace in his happiness. Whatever Strange was doing was working, and Thor couldn't be more relieved. That is, until Loki's form was fully revealed.

As Loki's body finally solidified into his natural form, Thor's arm slipped from Jane's back. For a moment, he couldn't comprehend what he saw. When the sorcerer told him the spell locking Loki into 'Frigga's' form fed upon his body, Thor hadn't taken his meaning for literal but that was the only explanation for the appearance of his brother. Always slender, Loki was utterly gaunt now. His skin stretched tight over his bulging joints, making them look swollen. His cheeks and eyes were so sunken his face resembled nothing more than a bare skull.

From the corner of his eye, Thor saw Jane's hand go to her mouth as she said something in a voice low enough that it was outside his hearing. A bit louder, she asked, "The spell did that?"

Words failed Thor and left him unable to answer her as as he stared at what was left of his brother. It was little wonder to him now that Dr. Strange stumbled a bit when he first saw 'Frigga'. If this is what his amulet let him see, the momentary lapse of grace made perfect sense. Thor was so distracted by Loki's ravaged state it took him a few moments to realize something else he was seeing was not a trick of the glowing light. Loki's skin was a mottled white and blue.

Strange lowered his one raised hand and placed it on Loki's head. Closing his eyes, he said, "I'll need complete silence for this next part. I can't afford to lose concentration.

His voice having deserted him, Thor only nodded. The luminous wisps of magic swirling around the bed flew faster before concentrating around the mortal's hands and Loki's head. He felt Jane squeeze his hand and Thor had to hold himself back from doing the same in return. In his worry, he might forget his strength and crush her fingers. Fearful anticipation wrapped around his throat, making even breathing a challenge. If this didn't work, if Strange didn't succeed-

In the middle of the thought, the glow of magic vanished entirely. Thor hardly heard Jane's gasp because he felt his own heart stop beating. Time froze. Everything faded away until he saw nothing but Loki. Thor stared unblinking at him, unable to even react because he'd failed him again. He failed, and now he would have to watch his brother wither away into nothing. Why had he been so selfish? If only he had stayed for a time in Asgard, Odin wouldn't have had time to work the spell and-

"That's it."

With great effort, Thor drew his eyes from Loki to focus on Dr. Strange. Uncomprehending, he asked, "What?"

The sorcerer had pulled away from Loki, unnoticed by Thor while he wallowed in remorse. Strange stood back from the bed turned to face Thor. "It's finished. Or perhaps I should say _I'm_ finished. My part is done. The last of Odin's spell is unravelling as we speak."

"But... but he hasn't awoken," Thor protested. He must have misheard. The magic dissipated so fast it could only have meant there was a problem. 

"It will be a few more hours before the spell is completely gone," Strange explained. "The trance will last until then."

Thor took a hesitant step toward the bed, not able to believe it was true. Loki was lost to him twice before and Thor could hardly think the Norns would give his brother back to him yet again. He took another step forward and another, reaching out with one hand but pulling back before touching him. Loki looked so fragile, even more so up close. He couldn't match Thor strength for strength when he was hale. Like this, Thor almost feared the slightest touch would break him, like any contact would shred his skin or shatter bone.

Strange came around the bed to stand at his side. "I know he doesn't look it, but he is far better off now than he was before. He was under terrible strain but the source of it is gone now and he can start to heal."

His head moved up and down in a vacant nod. "His skin... what is happening to it?" The swaths of colour were actually moving on the surface of Loki's flesh like white clouds blowing across a blue sky. "And why did wearing an Aesir form when he is Jötun not do what the spell did?"

"The spell caused immense confusion in Loki's body as well as his mind. Right now, he doesn't know which shape to take on again. As to your other question," Strange paused to think for a moment. "Some shape-shifters, when they are very young, will imprint on a form other than that which they were born in. In some cases the imprinted form becomes the... default, for lack of a better term. A form taken on by choice or even unconsciously is not the same as one forced upon the person. In your brother's case, his body and powers were not only maintaining his altered state, but fighting it at the same time. That's why the spell drained him so quickly."

"I've never seen his Jötun skin," Thor said in wonderment. The notion hadn't occurred to him until just then.

Beside him, Dr. Strange tilted his head to one side as he watched the colours swirl across Loki's body. "Strictly speaking you aren't seeing it now, but rather something in between. His control over the ability transform will take some time to return. As he recovers, he may at times shift without realizing."

Thor almost smiled at that. After the madness of the past few weeks, at least the idea of Loki shape-shifting was something familiar. It was one thing he could handle well, since Loki had done it for so long. The expression didn't quite make it onto his lips though. After seeing a glimpse of how difficult the journey of Loki's recovery was going to be, Thor wasn't as confident he could help him through it.

"What am I to do when he wakes?"

"Be as calming and supportive as you can. Don't push him to remember things. Above all be patient, even when he is at his most trying."

Patience had never been one of his more notable qualities but Thor determined then and there to make it one. The mortal's part was done and the rest was up to him now. He had to do things right this time because if he lost Loki again, he wouldn't get another chance to try.

Strange left Thor's side. "Dr. Foster, I think we should let the two of them have a moment in private."

"Sure," she replied. They took their leave, Jane closing the door behind them.

For the first time since Loki's 'death', Thor was with his brother again. He sank down to his knees next to the bed. Reaching out, he found Loki's hand and interlaced their fingers the way they often had as children. Thor drew it toward him, taking a moment to notice that where their hands met, the blue gave way to a more familiar pale pink. He traced Loki's protruding knuckles with his thumb and as he did, a stone seemed to lodge in his throat.

"I'm so sorry, my brother. This should never have happened." Thor paused, wiping a few tears that spilled before he noticed them filling his eyes. "I was so selfish. I should have seen... I should have done something. Instead I thought only of myself and what I wanted and look what it cost. I killed Odin. I can't think of myself as his son anymore, not after that. I wonder if I even deserve to call you brother. Look what I let happen to you."

Loki made no reply of course. Still in the trance state, his unnatural stillness resembled nothing more than a corpse. It was so reminiscent of his apparent 'death' that for a moment Thor couldn't breathe. The hand holding Loki's trembled and Thor had to force himself to stay composed. Loki was here and alive, and not a lifeless body on Svartalfheim.

"I was wrong, you know. I told you you should have listened but it was I who should have listened to you. If I had, none of this would have happened. I've failed you so many times and in so many ways, Loki. If my word has any value to you at all, I swear I won't fail you again. Not while I yet live."

There was no sign Loki was aware of him but Thor found it difficult to leave his side, certain that if he did, something else awful would happen. When he made himself to do it, each step away from the bedside felt like a betrayal of the vow he only just finished speaking. Forcing himself to move, Thor left the bedroom to find Dr. Strange and Jane.

Somewhat surprising was that only one of them was standing in the hall. Jane stood leaning against the wall. She pushed off from it as he came out of the bedroom but didn't move toward him, just shifted her weight back and forth from each foot. "How is he? Any change?"

"Nothing yet. Where is Dr. Strange?"

Jane's glanced away from him toward nothing in particular that Thor could see. She tucked her hair behind her ear, then did it again though there was none out of place. "He, uh... said he had to go. There was some kind of emergency."

Thor's mouth fell agape. "He just left us?"

"Yeah," she replied, looking every bit as nervous as Thor felt. "He said he'd check back in a couple of days."

" _Days!_ What am I to do until then?" he snapped.

"I don't know," Jane retorted in the same tone.

Thor sighed and briefly turned his back on Jane. He wasn't angry with her, wasn't angry at all in fact. The day's events had left him feeling a bit like a wrung out wash cloth, raw and worn. Added to everything else and to Thor it felt as if yet again the ground was shifting beneath his feet. Every time he found his footing, something else would come and topple him again. It wasn't fair to take his frustration out on Jane, though.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, turning around again. "You've done so much for my brother and me and I'm behaving as an ingrate. Thank you for going to Stark for help. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't."

Jane stepped across the hall to close the distance between them. She slipped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. "It's okay. I know what it's like when someone you love is sick. Besides, this is uncharted water for all of us. It's bound to be stressful."

Anything Thor might have said in reply was forgotten as there came a firm knock at the door. "Is that Darcy?"

"No, Darcy has a key," Jane told him, pulling away again. "She wouldn't knock."

"Then were you expecting someone else?"

The visitor knocked again, this time more insistent.

Jane shook her head. "No."

Thor's hands curled into fists, feelings of betrayal stirring in his gut. Strange left and moments later, some mystery person arrived at the flat? The timing was exceptionally conspicuous. He took a deep breath, willing himself to stay calm and not overreact as he had earlier with Jane. Timing aside, there was no reason to think it was an enemy at the door. It could just as easily could be a neighbour or someone just as harmless. Feeling inclined to be cautious in any case, he pointed Jane toward the bedroom door.

"Stay with my brother. I'll see to our visitor."

Without waiting to see if she complied, Thor went to the front door. Readying himself to defend Jane and Loki if needs be, he opened it a hands breadth. There were two people standing on the doorstep. One was unfamiliar to him, though she looked a bit like she could be a kinswoman of Hogun's. Her resemblance to his friend was quickly forgotten though, because beside her was a ghost, a spirit. Someone who could not possibly be there.

"Hello Thor," Agent Coulson greeted him. "We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Am I evil? I think I'm evil.)
> 
> Comments are lovely. :)
> 
> (Am I evil? I think I'm evil.)
> 
> Comments are lovely. :)
> 
> You can also come say Hi to me on tumblr at [ theclassicblunders](http://theclassicblunders.tumblr.com).


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